Author: Maria Alfano
Be honest, the thought of a second wedding never crossed your mind. In fact, you probably even swore up and down you would never remarry again. You lost the love of your life or you got divorced. Whatever your circumstance the first marriage ended. Getting married again scared the living daylights out of me. I delayed it for almost 20 years. Let’s face it if I didn’t know he was the right guy for me after 20 years, when would I ever know!!
Remarriage is becoming more popular with more mature couples. It’s their chance to do it right this time. There is less pressure from parents or extended family to get married. And, they have the opportunity to do it the way they want to the second time around.
It’s time to put the regrets of the first marriage away. Concentrate on the beautiful relationship in front of you. Make both your dreams come true. A second wedding tells the world (but mostly your closest family and friends) that you two belong together. So many things were out of your control with the first “big day” especially if your parents paid for the event. You had limited control over the venue, the menu, the guest list, and sometimes even your gown was not within your control.
This post is all about doing things your way with the second I Do’s, etiquette for remarriage, some must-do things you cannot ignore.
“I Do Again” Second Wedding Ideas For The 50+ Year Old Bride
Why bother to get married again anyway? Some couples do it for the partnership. Being alone is not suitable for everyone. Some mature folks love companionship. Others enjoying waking up beside a warm body that encases a warm-hearted human being. Gratitude is the other reason for the second wedding. Being thankful for the individual who has come into your life and made it better. Grateful for the goodness that you want to share with your closest relatives and friends. Regardless of your reason, have fun and plan this together. It’s both your big day.
Remarriage Etiquette
The great news is this is your day. The two of you decide how you want it to take place. Throw caution to the wind and keep traditions at bay, if that suits your personal style. Shake it up a little.
Bridal Shower & Bachelor Party
Do you really need to have a bridal shower or bachelor party? I mean with a remarriage, you likely have everything you need for your home. Think about it, two homes are coming together as one. You will have more than you need to fill one house. Why not forgo the shower and the bachelor parties? Have a nice brunch with the wedding party instead. It will be a nice way to thank them in advance for their support and to have a little stress-free fun before the wedding.
Family
Children – if you have children from a previous union, have them participate in the big event. It makes them feel included in the new family you are forming. Young children can be flower girls or ring bearers. Older children can be part of the bridal party. Or, they can be your witnesses. Have them do a job that suits their age and personality.
Former spouses – if you’re close, then invite them to the second wedding, or not! It’s up to the both of you. If your spouse is sadly deceased, then find a way to commemorate them at the reception. Mention them in your speech. Serve their favorite dessert. Play their favorite song.
It’s Your Day
Your personality – make it your day. Put a piece of you into every aspect of the event.
Start by writing your own vows. The words will mean more to both of you when they come from your heart instead of ancient scripture.
Have all your guests wear the same color. Pick a color that compliments your theme but still allows the bridal couple to stand out in the crowd
Ask the DJ to play throwback music, tunes that you grew up with.
Walk down the aisle as a couple instead of the bride walking alone
Have the best woman and a man of honor instead of the traditional best man and maid of honor.
Gift Registry
They say it is bad form to ask guests for monetary gifts for the wedding. Not sure who “they” are because being Italian myself, we only ever give gifts of money at weddings. We never bring a physical gift. This concept is not foreign to me and we don’t have to ask. It just happens. Having said that, if you are shy about asking for money, you can register at places like Zola or Honeyfund. Guests will know what the money being raised is going towards – be it your honeymoon, or a backyard patio set. This is a popular option for couples today.
Honeyfund is the perfect way for guests to contribute to the cost of your honeymoon. They will know exactly where you’re going and they choose how much they want to give.
Zola allows you to register for both physical and monetary gifts.
Note that both options are free to register with but both do charge a 2.4% fee for cash gifts.
Optional
First dance – not many couples are opting for a first dance anymore. It might still be a nice way to open the dance floor to all your guests. The choice is yours.
Bouquet toss – have you even decided if you want to carry a bouquet? It will be difficult to toss one if you don’t have one. But, if all your guests are older, after all, it is your second wedding, does it make sense to throw a bouquet?
Garter toss – frankly, I don’t know if I would want my son to catch my garter. That feels a little awkward. However, you can still wear one for the private party after you leave the reception.
Your outfit – wear what you want. Pure white may not be the right color for the second time around. Many brides opt to wear suits, evening gowns, or simple wedding gowns that are not as ornate as their first. Definitely, the veil is out. Grooms often choose to wear a basic suit instead of a tuxedo.
When booking appointments at bridal salons or men’s suit shops, make sure to tell them this is your second marriage. Ask them to see gowns and/or suits that are appropriate for the occasion. It would be good to come prepared with pictures of what you like.
Rings – are not required. Make them tattoos if you don’t want a band. However, ladies I know I will never give up a chance to have a little more bling.
Second Wedding Must-Dos
Get this out of the way early enough so that you can enjoy the rest of the planning for your 2nd big day. Some couples prefer to call it their first big day because it is the first time they are marrying each other! I really like that concept. You?
Finances
Budget – set a realistic budget that will get you what you want because this time you will likely be paying for everything yourself!
A prenup – don’t need a prenuptial agreement? No problem. Not all couples come from riches. Many couples have built their riches together over the years and are tying the knot to make it official (I mean I waited 20 years). Whether you need one or not, you should at least think about it.
The Big Event
The date – you can’t plan an event without knowing the date. Pick a date that means something to both of you. Or, if you’re like us, we knew which venue we wanted and chose one of the dates they had available.
Venue – have your wedding in the backyard or at an elegant hotel, either way, you need to decide where to hold the ceremony and reception. Heck if all you want is a couple of food trucks to serve refreshments after the ceremony, that works too.
Marriage license – check with your local state/province to determine how far in advance you need to apply for your marriage license. In our area we could not apply before 6 months from the date of the wedding or the application would expire. Remember, with a second wedding, with your application you will need to provide proof of divorce or a death certificate before you can obtain a license.
Attendees
Guestlist – you have free reign over who you would like to witness your nuptials. Most remarriages have smaller groups of their closest family and friends. You are not required to invite your 5th cousin twice removed if you haven’t spoken to them in 10 years. Make it as intimate or as lavish as you desire.
In Summary
The beauty of the second wedding is this day belongs to the two of you. You are not required to please anyone but yourselves. Make it as lavish or simple, as traditional or modern, as sophisticated or fun as you want it to be. Put your personality into the event by planning it together. No matter your choice you need to stay organized. Keep a good planner like this one from Amazon with you to jot down ideas and keep your to-do list with you at all times.
This post was all about second weddings, remarriage etiquette, and some must-do things for the 2nd time around.
We would love to hear from you. How did you make your second wedding special?