Setting and Respecting Boundaries

Lesson 22 – Learning to set healthy boundaries became a cornerstone in my journey toward empowerment and well-being. It allowed me to understand my limits and communicate them to others, paving the way for mutual respect in my relationships. Initially, I struggled with the fear of offending others or being seen as selfish. However, I realized that respecting my needs and expressing them clearly was not an act of selfishness but of self-respect.

Lesson 23 – Establishing these boundaries transformed how I interacted with the world around me. It fostered a sense of autonomy and confidence, making me more resilient in the face of life’s challenges. This practice taught me the importance of saying no to what drains my energy and yes to what nurtures my spirit. As you age, embracing this principle can significantly enhance your quality of life, exemplifying personal growth and self-improvement at any stage.

Self-Love

Lesson 24 – As a wife and mother, putting the needs of others before my own was normal.  Forgetting about myself and my needs was also normal. It wasn’t until I could truly take the time out to love on myself, that I was able give real love to those I cared about most Self-help books and podcasts, meditation, and mental healthcare became a routine that paved the road to self-love.

Lesson 25 – Girl time is important. Spending a few hours away from home, makes your partner miss you.  You know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.  And, it gives you a much needed break for some proper self-love, self-reflection, and a great day with your gal pals.

Lesson 26– Shutting out the world every once in a while is a good thing.  Me…I like to play games on my phone.  Not only do they keep my mind sharp, they give me a break from reality and refuel me so I can be ready to go again.

Lesson 27 – I had to learn to say “f-it” to the opinion others had of me.  The only opinion that really matters is my own.  If someone doesn’t like you, it’s alright.  They are only 1 of billions of people in the world.  It’s their loss not yours!

Face Fear Head On

Lesson 28 – When I turned 30 I thought my life was almost over.  I cried for weeks before my birthday, not sure how I would be able to move beyond this milestone and live a full life.  As I reflect back on those days 30 years later, I realize that the fear the crippled me at 30 was the same fear that got me where I am today.  The fears of not having a good job, fear of not being able to give my children what they needed, fear of being alone, all drove me to work hard to accomplish what I have and am today!  Fear is only bad if you allow it to take over.  Use it instead as the motivation it is meant to be to get you to the next step.

Lesson 29 – The acronym fear means False Evidence Appearing Real. I learned that fear is often manufactured in our own heads and the only way to get rid of it, is to expose yourself to it.  You see, my fear was not being able to retire early.  I made a plan, worked the plan, executed the plan.  Suddenly, that fear was gone because I faced it and worked my way past it.

The Beauty Without & Within

Lesson 30 – We live in an age where the outer beauty has become more important than the inner beauty. I stopped wearing makeup around 50 when I starting needing glasses full-time.  I couldn’t see the fine details in the mirror that required close attention in order to look “natural” and not have the caked on makeup look.  That was the most liberating day for me.  I saw myself staring back at me for the first time in years and not the person other people assumed me to be.

Lesson 31 – Lucky for me, grey hair became all the rage so I fit in perfectly when I decided that I was going to embrace every single grey strand that I am blessed with.  All kidding aside, I chose to go grey gracefully notwithstanding this latest fad!  Grey is dignified for men and I believe it is the same for women.  And, I feel dignified indeed.

Lesson 32 – Love my wrinkles! – I earned each and every one of them.  I have been blessed with a long and fruitful life. My wrinkles tell my story.  I am neither embarrassed by them, nor and I annoyed by them.  They are a part of what makes me, Me!

Lesson 33 – Everyone human being on the planet has a huge heart and is capable of so many good things because of it.  I learned that the more I opened my heart, the more I was able to give and receive.  The more I gave, the more fulfilled my life became.  Giving wasn’t necessarily in a monetary way but in kind words, in kind gestures, and simply being there when someone needed a shoulder to lean on.

Focus on Mental Health

Lesson 34 – Gone is the stigma of bygone eras where mental health meant there was something very wrong with you.  Maturing can take its tole on you, especially during menopause or andropause.  The reduction of hormones leads to many concerns, including decline in brain function.  This makes mental health all the more important.  Frankly, I struggled with understanding why my world was suddenly standing on its head.  The research I have been doing for The Silver Diaries has taught me many things, most importantly, we need to take a serious look at our mental health and handle it with much care.  My doctor has provided several tools that have helped me to gain better control of my emotions, feelings, and overall mental health.

Lesson 35 – Protecting my mental health meant I would no longer allow others’ negative connotations about me affect me.  Instead, I would let them slide away like water off a duck’s back. I am in control of how I feel.  I am the one who allows what impacts my life.  No one else can make me feel bad unless I invite them in.

Compromise

Lesson 36 – Compromise often means someone wins and someone loses.  I learned that to compromise it should be a win win situation. It’s ok to hold your ground if the compromise does not deliver a positive outcome for both you and the other person.  Now, I don’t mean be stubborn and don’t give an inch.  I mean, always have a plan for how much you are willing to give in and let go and how much you need to hold onto in order to have the best solution for all parties.

Lesson 37 – I learned that it is ok not to compromise when I believe in my thoughts, opinions, and what is in my heart.  As long as my belief is respectful, I can respectfully decline to compromise.

Intimacy

Lesson 38– I always thought that intimacy is for the young.  Boy was I wrong.  You are never too old to desire or require intimacy. Intimacy comes in so many ways.  Intimacy is not just about sex.  It’s about communication, holding hands, sitting close to each other on the sofa, or snuggling in bed.  Any way you slice it, it is important to maintain a level of intimacy with your partner.

Lesson 39 – I learned that even at my age, there is no shame in wanting to give and receive intimacy.

Submission

Lesson 40 – The thought of submission is enough to send many women over the edge.  Truthfully, I worked hard every day of my adult life.  I had to lead a team of people, make tough decisions, manage budgets, and so much more.  When I got home, I didn’t want to be working for the family unit.  I wanted to support my husband.  I learned that by allowing him to be the head of our household, I had a reprieve from these pressures.

Lesson 41 – By allowing my husband to be the leader, we have 20+ years of peace in our home.  We have discussions and don’t always agree on everything but ultimately, there is no struggle for power in our home.  To be honest, this is really the secret to happy wife, happy life.  When your partner feels respected and honored, he will move heaven and earth to make you content.

Relationship

Lesson 42 – Marriage is a partnership.  A good spouse takes care of themselves before they can adequately take care of their partner.  It’s like being on an airplane the flight attendant tells you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping another person with theirs.  Taking care of yourself means you have the energy both physically and emotionally to take care of someone else.  Think about how it feels when you are unwell.  Do you want to cook dinner, clean the house, or be intimate with your partner?  Not likely!

Lesson 43 – Disagreements are ok.  When one “argues” it is typically because they feel they are not being heard, have been hurt, or are bad communicators.  Arguments should be few and far between but when they occur, it is a cry for attention and understanding from yourself or your partner.  Once you have the opportunity to calm down, the true communication can start.  No matter how late it is, do not go to bed without resolving the issue.  Festering issues will only escalate matters that could be easily resolved with a short discussion.

Lesson 44 – knowing your partner’s love language is crucial to having a strong foundation.  I could never understand why, when I did small gestures or acts of kindness for my husband, he didn’t really appreciate these gestures.  Turns out, my love language is “acts of kindness” not his.  Make sure you understand what your husband needs from you in order to keep the relationship on track.

Parenthood

Lesson 45 – My mother always quotes and old Italian saying, “Small children, small worries.  Big children, big worries!”  As a parent you never stop worrying about your children, no matter if they are 3 or 33 years old.  The things you worry about change but the worry is there nonetheless.  The life lessons learned at 60 meant I had to cut those apron strings allow both my children to fly freely, make their own mistakes and honor their own rewards.  I learned that they still need me but in a different way than they did as babies.  I learned that I need to wait for them to reach out and to stop meddling when it wasn’t necessary. This isn’t a bad thing.  It means I am trusting that I did what I was supposed to as a mother to prepare them for their own lives.

Lesson 46 – Being a mother is very fulfilling.  Watching my children grow into respectable, productive adults, is all the reward I needed to tell me I did ok as a parent.  All my mistakes are hopefully lessons they can take into their own parenthood and find ways to overcome them and make their children’s lives better than what I could do for my own.

Lesson 47 – While your children are your heart and soul, they will one day find their own partners.  I learned that I should not neglect my husband for the sake of my children.  I would move mountains for my children, but I would do the same for my husband.  Don’t forget about him while you care for your babies (no matter how old they are, they will always be your babies!)

Travel

Lesson 48 – Traveling the world has enriched my life in so many ways.  I have learned about new cultures, experienced new cuisines, seen some of the most beautiful places in the world.  Even for those who have no desire to leave their own country, a road from state to state or province to province is just as rewarding.  Tick those places off your bucket list while you still can.  Live without regrets!

Volunteering

Lesson 49 – I have to save one of the most gratifying experiences of my life was volunteering at a home for dementia patients. Family members would drop of their parents for the lovely folks at this home to take care of them while the children went off to work.  Being able to help take care of these kind souls was something I will never forget.  Their smiles and laughter were one of the greatest joys (besides being a wife and mother) that I have ever experienced.  All they wanted was someone to show them compassion.  Take some time out of your busy day and tell me how it feels to volunteer your time to help others.

Lesson 50– In the spirit of giving, several years back my extended family forwent Christmas gifts for ourselves in order to help women in shelters get what they so desperately needed after fleeing a horrific home life with only the clothes on their backs. Most of us have more than we could possibly need in life, why not take a little of that abundance and help out those in need.  Your local place of worship, the police/fire station, the nearest shelter could use your help.  It only takes a few dollars to make someone else’s day a happy one.  I learned that giving from the heart (not for the tax receipt) lifted my spirit more than I could imagine.

Keep Learning

Lesson 51 – Contrary to popular belief, you are never too old to learn something new.  In fact, as I got older, I enjoyed the new experiences more with each new one.  My mother learned to use a computer at the age of 72.  My husband learned to trade the stock market at 66.  I learned to work remotely at the age of 57.

Lesson 52 – I learned that learning engages the brain and keeps it active.  The more active the brain is, the less likely one is to develop diseases like Alzheimer’s or dementia.

Lesson 53 – I also learned that learning new things takes a little longer as you age. But that has never stopped me.  I am a perennial student.  I love learning new and interesting things.  But I should not get frustrated with myself if I take more time than expected to learn something.  Nor should I be frustrated when anyone older than me is not grasping the new topic the first time I explain it.

Dealing With Loss

Lesson 54– the older I get the more loved ones I see move to the great beyond. The loss of a loved one is never easy because it is so final.  I learned that as long as I was able to honor the person while they were living and as long as I did everything in my power to create an atmosphere of love and respect, then there are no regrets.  The pain is no less but there is no guilt which often is the depression after a great loss.

Lesson 55 – Dealing with loss has forced me (thankfully) to look at my own mortality.  Am I ready for what comes next?  Is my house in order?  Have I aligned myself spiritually with my beliefs?  I don’t want to leave knowing I am unprepared.  Will in place- check!, Final resting place – check!  There is a sense of relief knowing that no one will be burdened by my passing.  This allows me to live the rest of my days in a happy place.

Menopause

Lesson 56 – I learned that menopause takes a long time to pass.  In fact, in my case it was 20 years of being blessed with hot flashes, night sweats and irritability.  My poor husband…he had to put up with a lot.

Lesson 57 – I learned that no amount of hormone replacement therapy was going to get rid of the those horrible flashes followed by embarrassing perspiration, then followed by cold shivers because everything you are wearing is wet to the core.  Carrying a change of clothes to work became the norm.  As did carrying a mini battery operated fan.

Lesson 58 – I learned that no matter how pleasant my demeanor is, when an episode hit me, I could get pretty ugly.  I forewarned my husband each time I felt one coming on and he would discretely disappear for 15-20 minutes to keep the peace in our home.

Lesson 59 – I learned that menopause does not mean the end of life as I know.  Rather, it is a new beginning.  I learned to embrace the change with all its mood swings, sweaty palms and pits, and irrational behavior as my right of passage.  I made it to this stage of my life when so many others have not.

Lastly

Lesson 60 – This is perhaps the biggest lesson of all.  I learned that I am blessed to be a vibrant woman who has lived an amazing life, with two wonderful children, the best husband, and an extended family that loves me.  No matter where life takes me next, I accept it with open arms.  I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me next!

A FINAL REFLECTION

Reflecting on the wealth of knowledge garnered over six decades makes me marvel at our capacity for personal growth and resilience. Each step taken, whether in health and wellness, embracing change, or pursuing passions, has carved a path of unique wisdom. I’ve learned to cherish the keys to happiness, understanding that mindset change, gratitude, and relationships nurturing vastly enrich our lives.

Embracing lifelong learning, setting boundaries, and letting go have been monumental in aging gracefully. As we ponder our journey, let us acknowledge the empowerment found in self-improvement and the peace in maintaining work-life balance. Financial security, legacy building, and health are pivotal pillars supporting a fulfilling life. May we continue to learn, love, and grow, always mindful of the empowerment and resilience within us. At any age, our stories and lessons are invaluable, steering us towards a future filled with hope and wisdom.