Author: Maria Alfano
Before you knew it you had the mother of the bride duties. In a blink of an eye, she went from being your precious little bundle of joy to a little girl in pigtails, collecting butterflies, to a gorgeous young, independent woman ready to marry the man of her dreams. Where did the time go? Think back 20+ years and you could not imagine this day coming so quickly. Yet, here it is. This amazing young woman stands before you. She is about to head into her own journey of life. Take comfort in the fact that you taught her well what it means to be a woman and wife. You have been a true example, a mentor, and a guide even when you thought she wasn’t looking. You have every right to beam with pride over the woman she became every day but especially on her wedding day!
Your mother of the bride duties and responsibilities will allow you to give your baby girl the send-off she deserves. You have a lot weighing on your shoulders that day but most of all, you just want to ensure your little girl gets the day of her dreams. The key all of it is open communication and remembering this is her day.
Today’s bride does things her own way, in her own time. Some of the traditions that were staples at your wedding simply are not even considered in the 21st. No cake, no garter, no bouquet toss. Heck, some weddings don’t even serve dinner anymore.
This post is all about the mother of the bride duties for the modern bride.
13 Mother Of The Bride Duties For The Modern Bride
You have a long laundry list of things to do before and on the wedding day. Don’t let stress be one of those things. A well-prepared mother of the bride will help in setting the tone for the whole event. Two things to remember above all else: 1) this is her day, and 2) you need to have fun as well.
Traditions
Modern brides don’t adhere to traditions. This could be a really good thing for you as the mother of the bride. Wedding etiquette says the bride’s family is responsible for paying for most of the wedding. They pay for the dress, venue, reception, flowers, photographer, and any other wedding incidentals. The groom’s parents typically pay for the engagement party and the rehearsal dinner. Things were done this way because it was assumed that the wedding day was all about the bride. Today’s couples don’t agree with this old adage. The wedding day belongs to both of them. Thank goodness. As a mother to both a son and a daughter, I could not imagine treating their special days any differently because one is a man and one is a woman.
The Announcement
1 – Engagement party – this is often shared with the mother of the groom. Be ready and available to help plan the party and make the announcement of the impending nuptials. This is a time to unite two families in joy and merriment. Irrespective of how you may (or may not) feel about the new in-laws. these are her in-laws. Respect is required from both sides; respect for the event, the couple, and the new traditions.
Consider – doing something like an Instagram or Facebook announcement instead of a big party. And, in lieu of gifts ask your would-be partygoers to make a donation to the bride and groom’s favorite charity.
2 – Co-host the wedding shower – traditionally this has been the job of the maid of honor. There is no reason why as the mother of the bride you can not help organize and plan the bridal shower. Be the go-to person for responses. Of course, this means you are financially responsible for part of the event. No one knows your daughter better than you so you will be able to provide insights on how she would like the event to take place.
Consider – instead of having the bride register for gifts, ask guests to bring gift cards to the happy couple’s favorite stores or restaurants.
Before the Big Day
3 – The wedding dress – be part of the shopping experience and help your beautiful daughter find her dress for the day. Stay open-minded and remember, she needs to feel comfortable and feel like she looks amazing in her gown. Your idea of what she should be wearing may not match her vision. Let her have her way for her day.
Set your budget in advance of dress shopping so that everyone knows the limitations.
Consider – look at pictures of dresses together so you are aware of the style of dress in advance. This avoids any embarrassing conversations at the dress boutique.
4 – The guest list – before inviting your second cousin’s third uncle’s brother’s sister, confirm with the couple the size of wedding they want. More and more couples are looking for intimate weddings with only a few of their closest family and friends. Your job will be to pare that list down to meet their expectations and not insult anyone that may be left out.
Consider – have a zoom meeting for those family members who could not attend in person so they feel included in the celebration.
For the diy bride, you can create amazing wedding invitations from Vistaprint
Planning the Event
5 – The venue – help the happy couple find the venue. Do some research for them and provide different options based on their theme. Understand what they want be it a beach theme or an elegant black-tie affair. Parents tend to believe that if they are forking out the cash for the big do then they can plan it as they see fit.
Consider – visiting the venues and recording a video with your phone of the top three choices and letting the bride and groom choose their favorites from those.
6 – Rehearsal dinner – as the mother of the bride one of your responsibilities is to show up to the wedding and know your place. If you will be walking your daughter up the aisle with her dad, then you need to be at the rehearsal dinner. Having said that, the modern bride and groom do not expect one set of parents or the other to foot the bill for what is traditionally called the “groom’s” dinner. This is your event to plan (along with the groom’s family) however you see fit. You don’t need permission for how this dinner should go. Put the ideas you couldn’t put into the wedding day into the rehearsal dinner.
Consider – hosting the event at home. Rent a party tent for the backyard. Hire a caterer. And, enjoy this part of the process with the entire bridal party.
The Big Day
7 – Heirlooms – no matter how modern the bride is, a memento from mom’s big day or something passed down for generations to the women in the family, is always welcome. It could be the hankie you carried on your wedding day, the earrings you got from your grandmother, a bracelet, or even something blue. Whatever it is, this is the perfect time to pass the heirloom down to the next generation.
Consider – selecting a couple of pieces and having the bride choose the one she wants to carry on that day.
8 – Help dress the bride – you may not have another chance for some quality one on one time with your beautiful princess for the rest of the day. Help her get into her gown. Take pictures with her before the main event happens. Overall, give her some comfort and words of wisdom as she prepares to walk into the new phase of her life.
Consider – getting dressed together. Have the entire bridal party along with yourself get ready in the same bridal suite.
9 – Timeliness – you will need to be a bit of a taskmaster on that day and keep the bridal party on time. While it’s fashionable to be late, it will only add to the stress and nerves. Simply usher the bridal party along with a firm but tender touch.
Consider – having alarm chimes set up to ring at the time the party needs to start moving long.
The Reception
10 – The toast – one of your mother of the bride duties includes a toast to the bride and groom. Make it short and sweet and ensure that you have not had too much to drink before making the speech.
Consider – prerecording your speech and playing it along with a video montage you put together of your favorite moments with the bride and groom.
The Bride
11 – Be supportive – the last thing your daughter will need is an “I told you so.” She will come to you for help, for a shoulder to cry on, to run ideas by, and to talk. Just be there for her. Offer kind words and suggestions. Most of all, don’t make the situation worse than it already is. She is stressed and nervous about everything that is going on. Don’t be part of that stress. She really doesn’t want you to tell her how bad her fiance or his family are.
Consider – staying quiet while she vents and goes through her “moment.” Once she is done offer some kind words of encouragement and a big hug. This too shall pass.
12 – She is loved – she will never need to hear the words “I love you” and “I am proud of you” more than she will on her wedding day. Commemorate the day with a special keepsake that tells her just how much you cherish her.
Consider – a mother/daughter bracelet or necklace and get one for each of you.
She will love this Infinity Heart Necklace from Swarovski.
Or this wonderful Mother /Daughter bracelet from Red Carnation Design.
Lastly
13 – It’s their day – let them have the spotlight and enjoy the party the way they want to. You had your turn. Let them have theirs.
Consider – taking a back seat unless invited to participate in parts of the planning. Let them tell you where they could use your help and expertise.
We trust this post provided you with some ways to complete your mother of the bride duties even with a non-traditional bride and wedding. We would love to hear from you. Let us know how these tips helped you and share some of your own tips with us.